Loving the Unlovable

“It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” - Mark 2:16-17

I've been privileged to hear from and read some of the greatest minds on this subject. 

This portion of Thich Nhat Hanh's book changed my life. 
http://www.ecomall.com/greenshopping/workingforpeace.html

What are the unlovable people in this world, but simply a reflection of our own self hate? If you can not find love for the most despicable, horrible, ugly, stupid, mean, disingenuous, insidious, evil and annoying people than you will never find true self love. These people are a part of you. You are a part of them. They are a bi product of the world and circumstance. No matter what God, Higher Power, Energy Flow or Evolutionary Chance you believe in we all come from the same one and have a purpose or a reason to be here. I'm not saying go out and allow yourself to be taken advantage of or that you must remain in a relationship with these people. We are perfectly capable of loving from afar and not allowing these people to effect our lives. I am saying we need to have compassion for these people for two reasons. 

One: With compassion we can investigate the root cause of what made these people do these negative actions and cure it for a brighter future. Killing these people will cause us to step away from our own values and only cause more negativity in this world. Let's imagine your Dad was accused of rape and murder of a teenage girl. First would you believe your Father was capable of doing these actions? I'm guessing you can't even imagine it, which tells me the answer. Than let's say the police beat him or even worse shot him in front of you. Are you going to trust police or any authority figure after that. Would you grow up with a respect for law and order? Would you hate the society that commented on the news story "Good, that piece of shit deserved to die"? 

Alternatively what if the police treated your Father with respect and compassion. Making sure that he was okay and genuinely taken care of. That they calmly investigated the alleged crime and were actually kind to your Father. That they provided for your family while your Father couldn't work due to the investigation. That your Father and your family were offered therapy to handle the struggles of the past and the current situation. Even if your Father was found guilty and it was decided that he needed to be locked up. What if society rallied around your family to help support you and make sure you had everything you needed? Without any expectation of your family paying back the debt and that your Father was treated well while locked up and treated for mental illnesses. 

Two: For you! No matter the amount of punishment they receive it will not satisfy you. It will not make you whole. Forgiveness is the key to true self love and happiness. You can not feel whole until you have no hate in your heart. Hate causes fear and stress which leads to anger and depression. This is my favorite quote on the subject:

"Forgive, realize that some are still learning, if forgiveness is not possible then think of everything you have ever wanted to be forgiven for but weren't, hold that uneasiness in your mind until you feel your desire for absolution becoming a wish, realize you can grant this wish for others, if you are waiting for forgiveness, be prepared to wait, be prepared to stand in the path of time and wither, respect that forgiveness, is difficult, not all trespasses are equal, and not everyone will heal according to your schedule." Shane Koyczan Poem: How to be a person

Full Poem 

Forgive and find peace. Let it ease your mind. Respect that we are all on different journeys and paths. There is a purpose to everything and every action. If actions were changed your world would be changed and you would not be you. If you hold onto anger and hate you are only hating the person you have become and you are allowing outside actions in your past to define you.

Go forth and find love for the unlovable, because after all they are the people incapable of seeing love  and need love more than anyone. Heal this world and heal your heart.

I love you all

"Love means to love that which is unlovable; or it is no virtue at all." - Gilbert K. Chesterton