4m 21d 19h
As I sit in the line of cars waiting to enter the freeway I look over and I see the classic dirty pan handler. Holding a sign saying "Homeless hopeless vet anything helps God bless". The familiar feeling of anger stirs inside me. I could chalk it up to thinking I'm angry because I feel this man is a drain on our society, that he offers nothing of value to the human race and that most likely he is going to buy drugs or booze with the money given to him. I take pause and consider why this makes me angry. There are plenty of people in our society today working pointless unnecessary jobs that get paid for their time. Honestly, there is no difference between this gentleman and them. He stands in the hot sun all day holding a sign, just like the guy that holds the mattress sign on the corner of State Street and Fort Union. Why do they differ? Both are trying to sell me something.
First I know that anger is a secondary emotion that stems from fear or pain, so I must try to understand what it is about this dirt covered fella that causes me pain and/or fear. He is actually doing something that many of us have an issue doing. He is literally standing before us and advertising his weakness. Stating that he needs help. We go through this life fighting that urge to ask for help. We are strong! We can stand on our own two feet! We can take care of ourselves! We don't need anybody! These are all actually angry statements that come from a pain of not being good enough. No matter who you are, where you come from, what you've done in life or how much money is in your bank. You will at some point need help from someone.
If your closest friend comes to you with tears in their eyes and says "I'm struggling and can't afford to feed my children today" How do you respond? Do you become angry because they spent their money unwisely or because they didn't get the right education? Do you berate them for eating out and going to the bar a couple weeks ago? Do you call them a failure and shame them for not being able to support their children? No!! you don't, You reach into your pocket pull out every bit of money you have and you give it to them. You actually give them extra and tell them to take their kids out to a movie. Why is it that we can look past others failures and weak moments, but not our own?
We have this idea of perfection inside our heads. It's the ruler we use to measure ourselves up against and more often than not we come up short to that measurement. We actually fail more often than we succeed, but instead of embracing our failures getting up and learning from our mistakes we attempt to hide them. For if we are not our idea of perfection than we are not worthy of connection.We and our ancestors are all failed attempts at perfection but too afraid to admit that we are imperfect. We hide our shame of failure from one another and by doing so they hide it from us. We go unaware of the pains and struggles of our closest loved ones. Our children learn this tactic from us and when they are struggling they follow our lead and hide it away. We are all suffering alone until that suffering gets to a boiling point, a breakdown. Some even take their lives before they confess their pains. Some numb their pains with alcohol, meth, heroin or pills.
Here stands the suffering vet asking for my change. When what he really just did is to remind me of my failures and fears. He stands there like a neon sign that says "You are a failure and you are not good enough. God Bless".
I Love You All
Photo Credit
As I sit in the line of cars waiting to enter the freeway I look over and I see the classic dirty pan handler. Holding a sign saying "Homeless hopeless vet anything helps God bless". The familiar feeling of anger stirs inside me. I could chalk it up to thinking I'm angry because I feel this man is a drain on our society, that he offers nothing of value to the human race and that most likely he is going to buy drugs or booze with the money given to him. I take pause and consider why this makes me angry. There are plenty of people in our society today working pointless unnecessary jobs that get paid for their time. Honestly, there is no difference between this gentleman and them. He stands in the hot sun all day holding a sign, just like the guy that holds the mattress sign on the corner of State Street and Fort Union. Why do they differ? Both are trying to sell me something.
First I know that anger is a secondary emotion that stems from fear or pain, so I must try to understand what it is about this dirt covered fella that causes me pain and/or fear. He is actually doing something that many of us have an issue doing. He is literally standing before us and advertising his weakness. Stating that he needs help. We go through this life fighting that urge to ask for help. We are strong! We can stand on our own two feet! We can take care of ourselves! We don't need anybody! These are all actually angry statements that come from a pain of not being good enough. No matter who you are, where you come from, what you've done in life or how much money is in your bank. You will at some point need help from someone.
If your closest friend comes to you with tears in their eyes and says "I'm struggling and can't afford to feed my children today" How do you respond? Do you become angry because they spent their money unwisely or because they didn't get the right education? Do you berate them for eating out and going to the bar a couple weeks ago? Do you call them a failure and shame them for not being able to support their children? No!! you don't, You reach into your pocket pull out every bit of money you have and you give it to them. You actually give them extra and tell them to take their kids out to a movie. Why is it that we can look past others failures and weak moments, but not our own?
We have this idea of perfection inside our heads. It's the ruler we use to measure ourselves up against and more often than not we come up short to that measurement. We actually fail more often than we succeed, but instead of embracing our failures getting up and learning from our mistakes we attempt to hide them. For if we are not our idea of perfection than we are not worthy of connection.We and our ancestors are all failed attempts at perfection but too afraid to admit that we are imperfect. We hide our shame of failure from one another and by doing so they hide it from us. We go unaware of the pains and struggles of our closest loved ones. Our children learn this tactic from us and when they are struggling they follow our lead and hide it away. We are all suffering alone until that suffering gets to a boiling point, a breakdown. Some even take their lives before they confess their pains. Some numb their pains with alcohol, meth, heroin or pills.
Here stands the suffering vet asking for my change. When what he really just did is to remind me of my failures and fears. He stands there like a neon sign that says "You are a failure and you are not good enough. God Bless".
I Love You All
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