4m 12d 20h
I awake each day thinking, wondering, praying will today be the day. I feel as if I've been floating on this river for far too long with no direction set. I'm waiting for something to open up to me and say this is what you should do. I need guidance. I need a step by step manual to achieve my dreams. Knowing me I was given that manual and didn't read it. I don't work well with subtle clues. The truth hits me like a rock to the face.
I went on a extensional journey this last weekend. I'm still stuck on the idea that I don't exist. Not a desire not to exist, but an idea that if I didn't that would be the simplest and easiest explanation. I went through and lived lifetimes in a blink of an eye. I was the slave working the cotton fields. I realized that if the slave owner had not monetized slavery and simply asked for help to make a cooperative empire owned by all that worked the fields and managed the crop. That I would have happily helped. I was the Native American. With no idea of ownership. A word as foreign as the white man that stood before me looking to monetize the resources of the Earth. We gladly offered to share and sacrifice our lives to help them understand that we could all work together. I was the Asian rail worker that worked my hands to the bone to connect America to allow everyone safe passage to connect to others. I was the white man that desired to be better. I took on the role of being hated by one and all. I drove to desperation trying and attempting to become better so that I may be respected and accepted. I was a woman graceful and motherly. I cared deeply for those around me and sat silent as my body was devoured by misunderstanding and the desire men had for me. Their only mistake that they could not get past the simple desire of flesh. That they did not understand the glory that was offered in my heart and mind.
My realization was that all the lives that have ended are attempts of my spirit to make a long lasting story of existence. An attempt to unite everyone as one to return to our simplest form, but not to fully return, because then no one would exist to speak with or interact with. You see when the atom from the beginning of time first split due to it's loneliness duality was born. The two conscious pieces of me began to speak. One said love and the other had to say, but what about hate. This battle rages on with no end in site, but we have a choice. We can stop fighting. We can have an understanding that hate exists and must for us to have love. That hate is love. It is just love in a misunderstood form. Rape comes to mind and when you consider the rapist in this situation you realize that they are fully in love with the body of the person they rape. I'm not saying rape is good or even okay, but you must consider the loneliness and uncontrolled desire the rapist has. They desire nothing more than that person they victimize. That could be seen as love. It is only hate when the rapist moves forward with the action of rape. If they had more tact and vulnerability it could turn into an epic love story. One where the man leaves a rose on the doorstep of his love daily for years until she realizes that she loves this silent shy stranger as well and that no matter his appearance or status in life she was going to find him and make him hers.
I believe one day we can realize we are all the same spirit and thus we should use compassion and love for every piece of us. That hate is our younger more naive self. That anger is our unvalidated pain and fear. When we let go of ego. When we allow ourselves to realize that we are no better than anyone and no one is better than us. Then we shall be allowed to live in a free society. We will make a brighter future. One where the only hate that exists is the memory of the past. We will always suffer that is the human condition, but we can suffer in acceptance and in an air of cooperation for the betterment of humankind and our starship Mother Earth. Join me in compassion and suffer well with me. Let me start by asking: What can I do for you? Afterall you are my spirit animal.
I love you all
Photo Credit)
I awake each day thinking, wondering, praying will today be the day. I feel as if I've been floating on this river for far too long with no direction set. I'm waiting for something to open up to me and say this is what you should do. I need guidance. I need a step by step manual to achieve my dreams. Knowing me I was given that manual and didn't read it. I don't work well with subtle clues. The truth hits me like a rock to the face.
I went on a extensional journey this last weekend. I'm still stuck on the idea that I don't exist. Not a desire not to exist, but an idea that if I didn't that would be the simplest and easiest explanation. I went through and lived lifetimes in a blink of an eye. I was the slave working the cotton fields. I realized that if the slave owner had not monetized slavery and simply asked for help to make a cooperative empire owned by all that worked the fields and managed the crop. That I would have happily helped. I was the Native American. With no idea of ownership. A word as foreign as the white man that stood before me looking to monetize the resources of the Earth. We gladly offered to share and sacrifice our lives to help them understand that we could all work together. I was the Asian rail worker that worked my hands to the bone to connect America to allow everyone safe passage to connect to others. I was the white man that desired to be better. I took on the role of being hated by one and all. I drove to desperation trying and attempting to become better so that I may be respected and accepted. I was a woman graceful and motherly. I cared deeply for those around me and sat silent as my body was devoured by misunderstanding and the desire men had for me. Their only mistake that they could not get past the simple desire of flesh. That they did not understand the glory that was offered in my heart and mind.
My realization was that all the lives that have ended are attempts of my spirit to make a long lasting story of existence. An attempt to unite everyone as one to return to our simplest form, but not to fully return, because then no one would exist to speak with or interact with. You see when the atom from the beginning of time first split due to it's loneliness duality was born. The two conscious pieces of me began to speak. One said love and the other had to say, but what about hate. This battle rages on with no end in site, but we have a choice. We can stop fighting. We can have an understanding that hate exists and must for us to have love. That hate is love. It is just love in a misunderstood form. Rape comes to mind and when you consider the rapist in this situation you realize that they are fully in love with the body of the person they rape. I'm not saying rape is good or even okay, but you must consider the loneliness and uncontrolled desire the rapist has. They desire nothing more than that person they victimize. That could be seen as love. It is only hate when the rapist moves forward with the action of rape. If they had more tact and vulnerability it could turn into an epic love story. One where the man leaves a rose on the doorstep of his love daily for years until she realizes that she loves this silent shy stranger as well and that no matter his appearance or status in life she was going to find him and make him hers.
I believe one day we can realize we are all the same spirit and thus we should use compassion and love for every piece of us. That hate is our younger more naive self. That anger is our unvalidated pain and fear. When we let go of ego. When we allow ourselves to realize that we are no better than anyone and no one is better than us. Then we shall be allowed to live in a free society. We will make a brighter future. One where the only hate that exists is the memory of the past. We will always suffer that is the human condition, but we can suffer in acceptance and in an air of cooperation for the betterment of humankind and our starship Mother Earth. Join me in compassion and suffer well with me. Let me start by asking: What can I do for you? Afterall you are my spirit animal.
I love you all
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