2m 3d 20h
I believe one of the best things I've ever written was "I have no idea where my life is headed, but I've never been more sure of it's direction". I'm holding firm to this lately. I've been overwhelmed with how many directions my life is being pulled. Finishing my poem book, writing my other book, throwing three raves, building my network for CEO Space International, writing my blog and working on my scheduling app. I fear I may be running again. Last time I did it by staying out until 4 or 6 in the morning dancing and going out with friends. Am I now doing the same thing with work? Will I crash again? Which one of these projects is going to be fruitful? What am I running from?
I feel I've dealt with my demons. I faced them down and discovered that they had been crying children all along. It is possible I am still running, but I don't know from what. I'm not uneasy about being comfortable, but I often finding myself wanting to be uncomfortable in order to create and learn. I'll just trust the universe and let everything play out as it should. Whatever the outcome, it is meant to be. I no longer fear anything. The issue with this is I also no longer feel the low lows of life, which means I also do not get to feel the high highs. I enjoy both. How do I become afraid again, so I can feel alive again? Can I return to the feeling of not being able to live without something or someone? My mentor calls this emotional strength and I agree with her, but I don't like it. I want the rush of fear when a car almost crashes into me on the freeway. I want the energy from jealousy when another man hits on my girlfriend. I want the urgency from fear this may be the last day I have on Earth. When you've given into the fact that everything has a purpose and the best action is inaction what is left for you to do or fear? What is left to argue about? Bring on the chaos, pain, fear and suffering I miss it. I want to experience life as if I have never experienced it before. I want to enter dark places with the thought I may never return. Maybe I should take a trip to North Korea and play a game of Russian Roulette in a dirty back alley bar.
Photo Credit: http://www.goldsilverliberty.com/2017/03/
I feel I've dealt with my demons. I faced them down and discovered that they had been crying children all along. It is possible I am still running, but I don't know from what. I'm not uneasy about being comfortable, but I often finding myself wanting to be uncomfortable in order to create and learn. I'll just trust the universe and let everything play out as it should. Whatever the outcome, it is meant to be. I no longer fear anything. The issue with this is I also no longer feel the low lows of life, which means I also do not get to feel the high highs. I enjoy both. How do I become afraid again, so I can feel alive again? Can I return to the feeling of not being able to live without something or someone? My mentor calls this emotional strength and I agree with her, but I don't like it. I want the rush of fear when a car almost crashes into me on the freeway. I want the energy from jealousy when another man hits on my girlfriend. I want the urgency from fear this may be the last day I have on Earth. When you've given into the fact that everything has a purpose and the best action is inaction what is left for you to do or fear? What is left to argue about? Bring on the chaos, pain, fear and suffering I miss it. I want to experience life as if I have never experienced it before. I want to enter dark places with the thought I may never return. Maybe I should take a trip to North Korea and play a game of Russian Roulette in a dirty back alley bar.
No comments:
Post a Comment